And why I am glad I did it. 

When I was 18, I got a job at a gas station. 

Actually, it was a gas station/smoke shop. I like to learn from every experience, which means I know every major cigarette brand. I still know the most and least expensive options. I can carry 12 cigarette cartons at once. 

And I handled cash. Like, so much money. It was crazy. Living on a reservation means that cigarettes are cheap. Really, really cheap. Orders over $5,000 were not uncommon. (Shops in town resold them.)

The gas station part also involved money. Here’s the visual. I was 19 and the only employee on the floor in a reasonably high-traffic gas station. It’s 6:00 a.m. I was in charge of writing checks for the gas delivery invoices. It was usually about $50,000. Minimum. 

This job was strange. I was in charge of a lot of money. I don’t think many people can say, “Yeah, at my first job I was writing checks for 50k thrice weekly.” 

Frankly, the six months I worked there were endlessly bizarre. It was 5 days a week, 4-5 hours a day. Every second was surreal. 

I learned that independence is essential. 

I had worked at this store for a grand total of two weeks when I got a key. The manager told me she was tired of opening and would be thrilled if I would take over. I agreed because why the hell not? 

It was so bizarre the first time I was there alone. It wasn’t a tiny store. It was two stories, a giant warehouse, and a moderately sized convenience store. I was the only employee from 5:00 a.m. to 8:00 a.m. most days. It was a consistent lesson in taking the initiative. Angry customers and malfunctioning machinery were not uncommon. 

There was a morning when the gas pumps just… didn’t work. None of the indoor registers worked, either. This meant I stood behind a counter and screamed at by angry truckers, construction workers, and commuters for three hours. Yup. Long morning. 

But my ability to hold my head up saved me. Confidence. Independence. Both are vital life skills. I got a lot of practice. 

I learned that time is an asset. 

I started a lot of projects that winter. 

Frankly, I was bored out of my mind. There wasn’t a lot of foot traffic into the store portion of the gas station. 

One fundamental thing to understand is that there were no rules.

This meant that I asked the manager if she cared if I worked on projects on my phone, and she said she “didn’t give a rat’s ass,” so I took advantage of that freedom. 

This is when I started my sticker project and my bakery project. (Okay, I wasn’t baking French pastries but I was networking and contacting people who might purchase. And working on invoices. And budgeting.) 

Any free time I had at work went to… work. It’s just different work. I learned that I can’t stand doing nothing. I like to be active. I want to do things. I like to be busy. 

I learned that I want direction. 

Frankly, I hit quite the funk around month five of this job. 

I was miserable. I couldn’t stand that my life was so… directionless. I was jumping from project to project to try to stave off the realities of my aimlessness. 

I am a person who likes to have goals. I need to have a purpose. 

Working at a smoke shop was not a purpose. 

It was just something I was doing because I had nothing else to do. It made me confront the reality that I wanted to be more than what I was. For my happiness. For my future. 

I am a very confident person. Feeling that confidence waver was deeply unsettling. It was during that depression that I quit this job. I thought that maybe a break would benefit me. 

I did not need a break. I needed to do something I cared about. 

Three months after I quit, I was on the website for Praxis. I had been obsessing over the program on and off for about five years. At that moment, I needed something to move me forward. I felt like I should take the leap and apply. 

I asked my mom what she thought I should do. 

She said she knew me well. She said I needed a goal. A mission. She also said a bunch of sweet stuff about how I could do great things.

(Thanks, Mom.)

Why it mattered:

I wouldn’t have landed where I am if not for that job. 

I wouldn’t have fought so hard to do something if I hadn’t realized I couldn’t stand doing nothing. I don’t know where I would be.

And I don’t need to know.

Because I am sure of one thing. I like where I am going. 

I am accomplishing new things all the time. My confidence levels grow with every project. I know what I want to do. I know where I want to go.

And I still have a t-shirt that says “Got Smokes?” on the back.